Backpackers.

Fuck me dead but I hate backpackers. They're either filthy yobs who proclaim their Australianess at EVERY opportunity, or else they persist in calling themselves 'travelers', mistakenly believing that this label will somehow separate them from the rest of the riffraff, the 'tourists'. The belief seems to be that travelers are culturally sensitive and sufficiently awed when in contact with that which is foreign, third world and therefore superior to the rich, culturally deficient west. I'm not sure which one I hate the most, but the self described traveler is probably in the runner, if only because they're the type to cease bathing, wear local clothes the wrong way (I once was on a train in Thailand with a girl who'd been travelling in the region for months. She was prattling on about how she understood the culture, how she'd been brave enough to drink tap water in Laos, how fucking perfect she was because she did her best to really interact with the locals. The genius was also wearing a really thin, see through in the sunlight sari petticoat and an elaborately embroidered backless top. Way to fucking offend the locals, especially in the conservative north of the country) and just generally be cunts while extolling their own brilliance for being at one with the peasants. Of course, the yobs in their flag print tshirts, with those stupid little boxing kangaroo flags are also terrible. But at least they're not sanctimonious hypocrites.

Ok, I'm a backpacker. In the sense that I am always broke, stay in cheap places and try to stay away from organised tours (I hate people - it's more expensive, but I'll either pay for my own guide or brave the mean streets alone) and I drink a fair bit. But I bathe often, the only foreign streets I throw up in are in those countries for which I hold citizenship, and I generally try to avoid other backpackers. Not because I believe I'm better than them, rather, I hate all people. And these days I mostly take short trips, so I can afford to stay in hotels that have hot water and clean towels. Man, that's a freaking luxury. So I'm a backpacker, I admit it, but I don't fawn over defective cultures or fly my flags, so I tolerate myself.

The backpacker rant was prompted by this genius blog which manages to combine whinging and offensivness in a very Australian way. Onya, mate! One of my favourite lines is this one:

"Try the old "g'day" line at a pub in London now, and at best you'll get a roll of the eyes, at worst a "piss off jafa"."

Yeah, genius, Australians really talk like that at home. Outside of bogan celebration television and a few deprived regions in the bush, or at a big sporting match, people generally don't greet each other with g'day. The English are on to us. Believe it or not, many English people have traveled to Australia, they have witnessed us in our native, stinking hot habitat and are now aware that we aren't all dirty colonials eating our own shit and mating with our siblings. They're not going to let on that they know, and will happily deride us for being backward Australians whenever the cricket's on, but, trust me, THEY KNOW. The secret's out. Get over it. Walking into a pub and saying g'day is likely to be dismissed because all these Englishmen (and quite a few mad dogs) are aware that you are a pretentious fucking wanker trying to land a few toothless English women with what you perceive to be your sexy Australianess. They don't like that. Hell, I'm embarassed when that happens.

Memo to Australians traveling abroad: Stop saying g'day. Seriously. STOP IT.

Then there's this gem:

"Another possible point, although I can't quite convince myself this is true, is jealousy. Is the "arrogant Aussie" tag just a way of brushing off the fact that many people would like to call Australia home? We do have it pretty good here. Do other people think that, too?"

No, not everyone is jealous. Australia is a perfectly nice country if you enjoy being in close proximity to New Zealand, Antarctica and parts of South East Asia. Australia has a reasonable quality of life and, in some parts, a very nice climate. Australia also has a relatively mediocre higher education system, hugely expensive housing prices anywhere you'd want to live, a shithouse telecommunications system (ha, finally people are listening!) and a frustratingly high level of beauracracy. This is a nice place to live, that's for sure, but most people are notjealous of us. Well, 'cept for the beggars you might see on the streets of whichever third world shithole you're offending with your shorts and thongs combo and filthy, unwashed hair. Yeah, those people might envy us. But the Brits, Scandinavians, North Americans, pretty much anywhere with a high value currency and tolerable social security system? They're not jealous.

And this:

"But it's not just the buck's night crowds that are ruining our reputation. It's a real worry that Aussies in Europe are now being tagged "New Yanks". No offence to the old Yanks, but that's not something I want to be."

Americans don't like being called yanks. It's fun to do it and offend them, but when you're writing a blog about your own thin skin, you might want to take this into account. Southerners don't like being called yanks, Northerners don't like being called yanks. Americans as a whole do not like being called yanks. And you know what? Americans are annoying when they're in large groups and prattling on about how fantastic their country is. Americans are annoying when they're part of a middle aged pair in matching his and hers sneakers and bumbags. Christ they are annoying. But Australians, Britons, Canadians, French, Israelis and Norwegians do it as well. Every country manages to produce annoying young backpackers and middle aged dolts. It's fun to bag Americans because, let's face it, Americans are loud and pretty easy to spot. It's harder to say "hey, look at those uncouth Danes with their horribly patriotic babbling, hahaha!" because:
1. Danish is hard to understand unless you speak it, or a language close to it.
2. Danish people are difficult to distinguish from other Scandanavians - see 1.
3. Danish people haven't pissed off the world in any major way so they can be really offensive (see 1 and 2) and even if you do understand them, you're likely to forgive them because they're Danish.

I don't know who Ben Groundwater is but he should be killed and his teeth sent to his mother. Fuckwit.

I did it! I refused to vote! I didn't tell that many people about my decision but word spread quickly - apparently I am a very exciting topic of conversation - and I had a flurry of emails and phone calls from people trying to interest me in giving a shit. No, no I say! I don't care if IR reform gets your goat, or if you have a beef with the bridge tolls, doesn't worry me in the least. Your vote is your vote and mine is mine. I choose to waste my vote.

I wish I could have gone away for the weekend, but I'm poor. I bought a pretty new laptop (with sucky Vista that I can't get to work with my router, gah!) in a lovely shade of pink that cleaned out my bank account on Wednesday. I'd been planning it for a few months but had a moment of... I'm not sure. But I realised that the price of a last minute trip to Wellington was probably not worth it. I need a job. I really, really need a job. If I had a job I would have money of my own and all these great travel plans would be realised. I'm just not qualified for anything I want to do. My problem is that my ideal career is that of God, or maybe one of his deputies, Castro? I'd also settle for being a kept woman.

Still, if I'm a very good girl and re enrol next semester I can go somewhere in the summer. Huzzah!

Not Voting

I've already copped a lot of flack over this from some well meaning friends. "Lizzie, no, you have to vote, it's how you protest this regime!" was heard from an idiot who thought I was not voting because I'm a disgusting socialist like she is. I'm not, I'm probably more conservative than a lot of people, but for loads of reasons I wouldn't vote for the Libs. Apparently my beliefs are Liberterian in nature, but they're a bunch of fuckwits anyway, and are they even running anyone? Not likely, and with preferences my vote will always go to someone I don't agree with. So fuck voting. I'm not a "battler"; I'm not a step up on the ladder, a part of a middle class family with a $400k mortgage and three kids I'm milking the family welfare system for; I'm not rich and going to benefit from property tax changes or other shit. In short, I just don't think I matter. As someone who's supported by her parents, has her education payed for, has health insurance and hasn't used a bulk billing doctor in eons, I'm pretty a non entity to whoever's in power. It doesn't really bother me as I'm grateful that my family worked hard so they'd be able to support me in my "meh" stage. I realise how lucky I am. However, it really pisses me off to see each party trying to grab the bogan vote and promising all sorts of incentives and sweetners that amount to nothing more than middle class welfare at the expense of any real reform.

I know jackall about politics, but I'm fairly sure that instead of wasting money reimbursing westies for road tolls and advertising services like roads and hospitals as geared towards families rather than the residents of NSW, the government should be working towards fixing up shitty schools in poor areas and giving a big fuckyou to the federal government and funding dental care for those who can't afford it. Oh, and crazy planning laws and fuckwit local councils? Man, I'd love to see them taken to task.

I hate bogans as much as the next person, in fact, probably more. They really shit me. But if certain areas are horribly disadvantaged and looked over for help because the working bogans with their enormous mortgages and furniture packages from Fantastic Fuckwits don't want to see those who are really down get a leg up, how is that fair to anybody? Really poor people with bad teeth are not good for society unless you're driving a tank of a car and living behind a security fence.

I have no idea where I'm going with this, and I just don't know enough about how this shit works to articulate my opinions properly. But I'm annoyed, and I'd rather pay the $50 fine and tell them to kiss my arse than vote for any of the parties who are running. It's either about keeping rich cunts happy, or enabling middle class cunts to get even more of their tax money back through the welfare system. And always, always, always they want to kick the single mothers, and the Aborigines, and all those Muslims. It's not fair and I don't like it, so there. Screw voting, I'll go to Wellington for the weekend and ignore it all.

Why the fuck would you buy into a gated community in such a foul area? Especially if houses outside your little paranoia palace are selling for half what you pay. Surely it makes more sense to get a little cottage in, say, Leichardt and rationalise that for a little less space you might be buying something that won't end up being worth less than you paid for it. I just can't see how these things would succeed in the south west... surely people with money are seeking to avoid that area. Very confusing.

In other news, I'm going to go crazy if I hear that Labor ad about services for "working families" one more time, and I've only heard it twice. Are families who, for whatever reason, don't work, less entitled to education and medical care? Should they let a 000 operator know when phoning that they live on welfare and therefore the police should take their sweet time investigating whatever crime it is being reported? What about the single and childless? Should we just bend over and grin as we ask the government to really make it hurt? And I know it's not just bitter single resentment rearing its ugly head; speaking to my mother over brunch yesterday I realised that we shared not only an order of pancakes and smoked salmom scrambled eggs, but also a hatred for this relentless pandering to the fucking aspirational class family. She mentioned that when she was still working on her education and had two kids under five, a husband who earned very little and mountains of debt, the government gave her nothing. She didn't care as she knew that soon enough she'd be earning enough to pay her way, and very well too. She reasoned that government assistance was for those who were less well off than her. Did you hear that? She looked at her frustratingly broke situation and realised that she was indeed fortunate and that the government did not "owe" her a new VCR or a trip to Bali. Extraordinary.

My cousin's in the same boat she is at the moment except, instead of getting an education and raising two young kids, she's at home on her arse and "raising" two older kids. Her husband's on a fairly low income, though, just like my father was, so she constantly complains to everyone who'll listen that she needs this tax benefit and that family payment, and cheap prescriptions and all sorts of shit that she probably doesn't deserve. There's no mention of her getting a job, or at least volunteering her time somewhere. Instead it's all "me, me, me, me, me, I have a family and I should get a bunch of free shit, gimmee!"

Anyway, this just really annoys me. I may just wipe my bum with the voting form and call it a political protest.

Motherfuckers

Fuck Debnam and his stupid party. I was actually considering voting Liberal at this election (assuming I get around to filling out change of address form) because, well, I'm really not sure why, but I think Labor are a bucket of hoohoos, and that's reason enough for me.

But fuck this shit - I'm voting for the Greens. Ha, take that, my safe Liberal seat electorate!

Man, jockeys are really foul looking. It's not just that they're midgets, but they all seem to have a certain look about them - you know, the sort of look that only generations of inbreeding can produce. Icky, icky, icky.