Backpackers.
Fuck me dead but I hate backpackers. They're either filthy yobs who proclaim their Australianess at EVERY opportunity, or else they persist in calling themselves 'travelers', mistakenly believing that this label will somehow separate them from the rest of the riffraff, the 'tourists'. The belief seems to be that travelers are culturally sensitive and sufficiently awed when in contact with that which is foreign, third world and therefore superior to the rich, culturally deficient west. I'm not sure which one I hate the most, but the self described traveler is probably in the runner, if only because they're the type to cease bathing, wear local clothes the wrong way (I once was on a train in Thailand with a girl who'd been travelling in the region for months. She was prattling on about how she understood the culture, how she'd been brave enough to drink tap water in Laos, how fucking perfect she was because she did her best to really interact with the locals. The genius was also wearing a really thin, see through in the sunlight sari petticoat and an elaborately embroidered backless top. Way to fucking offend the locals, especially in the conservative north of the country) and just generally be cunts while extolling their own brilliance for being at one with the peasants. Of course, the yobs in their flag print tshirts, with those stupid little boxing kangaroo flags are also terrible. But at least they're not sanctimonious hypocrites.
Ok, I'm a backpacker. In the sense that I am always broke, stay in cheap places and try to stay away from organised tours (I hate people - it's more expensive, but I'll either pay for my own guide or brave the mean streets alone) and I drink a fair bit. But I bathe often, the only foreign streets I throw up in are in those countries for which I hold citizenship, and I generally try to avoid other backpackers. Not because I believe I'm better than them, rather, I hate all people. And these days I mostly take short trips, so I can afford to stay in hotels that have hot water and clean towels. Man, that's a freaking luxury. So I'm a backpacker, I admit it, but I don't fawn over defective cultures or fly my flags, so I tolerate myself.
The backpacker rant was prompted by this genius blog which manages to combine whinging and offensivness in a very Australian way. Onya, mate! One of my favourite lines is this one:
"Try the old "g'day" line at a pub in London now, and at best you'll get a roll of the eyes, at worst a "piss off jafa"."
Yeah, genius, Australians really talk like that at home. Outside of bogan celebration television and a few deprived regions in the bush, or at a big sporting match, people generally don't greet each other with g'day. The English are on to us. Believe it or not, many English people have traveled to Australia, they have witnessed us in our native, stinking hot habitat and are now aware that we aren't all dirty colonials eating our own shit and mating with our siblings. They're not going to let on that they know, and will happily deride us for being backward Australians whenever the cricket's on, but, trust me, THEY KNOW. The secret's out. Get over it. Walking into a pub and saying g'day is likely to be dismissed because all these Englishmen (and quite a few mad dogs) are aware that you are a pretentious fucking wanker trying to land a few toothless English women with what you perceive to be your sexy Australianess. They don't like that. Hell, I'm embarassed when that happens.
Memo to Australians traveling abroad: Stop saying g'day. Seriously. STOP IT.
Then there's this gem:
"Another possible point, although I can't quite convince myself this is true, is jealousy. Is the "arrogant Aussie" tag just a way of brushing off the fact that many people would like to call Australia home? We do have it pretty good here. Do other people think that, too?"
No, not everyone is jealous. Australia is a perfectly nice country if you enjoy being in close proximity to New Zealand, Antarctica and parts of South East Asia. Australia has a reasonable quality of life and, in some parts, a very nice climate. Australia also has a relatively mediocre higher education system, hugely expensive housing prices anywhere you'd want to live, a shithouse telecommunications system (ha, finally people are listening!) and a frustratingly high level of beauracracy. This is a nice place to live, that's for sure, but most people are notjealous of us. Well, 'cept for the beggars you might see on the streets of whichever third world shithole you're offending with your shorts and thongs combo and filthy, unwashed hair. Yeah, those people might envy us. But the Brits, Scandinavians, North Americans, pretty much anywhere with a high value currency and tolerable social security system? They're not jealous.
And this:
"But it's not just the buck's night crowds that are ruining our reputation. It's a real worry that Aussies in Europe are now being tagged "New Yanks". No offence to the old Yanks, but that's not something I want to be."
Americans don't like being called yanks. It's fun to do it and offend them, but when you're writing a blog about your own thin skin, you might want to take this into account. Southerners don't like being called yanks, Northerners don't like being called yanks. Americans as a whole do not like being called yanks. And you know what? Americans are annoying when they're in large groups and prattling on about how fantastic their country is. Americans are annoying when they're part of a middle aged pair in matching his and hers sneakers and bumbags. Christ they are annoying. But Australians, Britons, Canadians, French, Israelis and Norwegians do it as well. Every country manages to produce annoying young backpackers and middle aged dolts. It's fun to bag Americans because, let's face it, Americans are loud and pretty easy to spot. It's harder to say "hey, look at those uncouth Danes with their horribly patriotic babbling, hahaha!" because:
1. Danish is hard to understand unless you speak it, or a language close to it.
2. Danish people are difficult to distinguish from other Scandanavians - see 1.
3. Danish people haven't pissed off the world in any major way so they can be really offensive (see 1 and 2) and even if you do understand them, you're likely to forgive them because they're Danish.
I don't know who Ben Groundwater is but he should be killed and his teeth sent to his mother. Fuckwit.
Ok, I'm a backpacker. In the sense that I am always broke, stay in cheap places and try to stay away from organised tours (I hate people - it's more expensive, but I'll either pay for my own guide or brave the mean streets alone) and I drink a fair bit. But I bathe often, the only foreign streets I throw up in are in those countries for which I hold citizenship, and I generally try to avoid other backpackers. Not because I believe I'm better than them, rather, I hate all people. And these days I mostly take short trips, so I can afford to stay in hotels that have hot water and clean towels. Man, that's a freaking luxury. So I'm a backpacker, I admit it, but I don't fawn over defective cultures or fly my flags, so I tolerate myself.
The backpacker rant was prompted by this genius blog which manages to combine whinging and offensivness in a very Australian way. Onya, mate! One of my favourite lines is this one:
"Try the old "g'day" line at a pub in London now, and at best you'll get a roll of the eyes, at worst a "piss off jafa"."
Yeah, genius, Australians really talk like that at home. Outside of bogan celebration television and a few deprived regions in the bush, or at a big sporting match, people generally don't greet each other with g'day. The English are on to us. Believe it or not, many English people have traveled to Australia, they have witnessed us in our native, stinking hot habitat and are now aware that we aren't all dirty colonials eating our own shit and mating with our siblings. They're not going to let on that they know, and will happily deride us for being backward Australians whenever the cricket's on, but, trust me, THEY KNOW. The secret's out. Get over it. Walking into a pub and saying g'day is likely to be dismissed because all these Englishmen (and quite a few mad dogs) are aware that you are a pretentious fucking wanker trying to land a few toothless English women with what you perceive to be your sexy Australianess. They don't like that. Hell, I'm embarassed when that happens.
Memo to Australians traveling abroad: Stop saying g'day. Seriously. STOP IT.
Then there's this gem:
"Another possible point, although I can't quite convince myself this is true, is jealousy. Is the "arrogant Aussie" tag just a way of brushing off the fact that many people would like to call Australia home? We do have it pretty good here. Do other people think that, too?"
No, not everyone is jealous. Australia is a perfectly nice country if you enjoy being in close proximity to New Zealand, Antarctica and parts of South East Asia. Australia has a reasonable quality of life and, in some parts, a very nice climate. Australia also has a relatively mediocre higher education system, hugely expensive housing prices anywhere you'd want to live, a shithouse telecommunications system (ha, finally people are listening!) and a frustratingly high level of beauracracy. This is a nice place to live, that's for sure, but most people are notjealous of us. Well, 'cept for the beggars you might see on the streets of whichever third world shithole you're offending with your shorts and thongs combo and filthy, unwashed hair. Yeah, those people might envy us. But the Brits, Scandinavians, North Americans, pretty much anywhere with a high value currency and tolerable social security system? They're not jealous.
And this:
"But it's not just the buck's night crowds that are ruining our reputation. It's a real worry that Aussies in Europe are now being tagged "New Yanks". No offence to the old Yanks, but that's not something I want to be."
Americans don't like being called yanks. It's fun to do it and offend them, but when you're writing a blog about your own thin skin, you might want to take this into account. Southerners don't like being called yanks, Northerners don't like being called yanks. Americans as a whole do not like being called yanks. And you know what? Americans are annoying when they're in large groups and prattling on about how fantastic their country is. Americans are annoying when they're part of a middle aged pair in matching his and hers sneakers and bumbags. Christ they are annoying. But Australians, Britons, Canadians, French, Israelis and Norwegians do it as well. Every country manages to produce annoying young backpackers and middle aged dolts. It's fun to bag Americans because, let's face it, Americans are loud and pretty easy to spot. It's harder to say "hey, look at those uncouth Danes with their horribly patriotic babbling, hahaha!" because:
1. Danish is hard to understand unless you speak it, or a language close to it.
2. Danish people are difficult to distinguish from other Scandanavians - see 1.
3. Danish people haven't pissed off the world in any major way so they can be really offensive (see 1 and 2) and even if you do understand them, you're likely to forgive them because they're Danish.
I don't know who Ben Groundwater is but he should be killed and his teeth sent to his mother. Fuckwit.
posted by Today Tonight at 3:30 AM
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